You've finally done it. You ended up in ancient Egypt after falling through a strange witch's wormhole. So can you survive? Let's find out. The first query that may come to mind is, which ancient Egypt exactly? Because the entirety of ancient Egypt spanned across several thousands of years with quite a few different eras. Let's go with the iconic New Kingdom, the height of Egyptian power and influence, and the most documented for research purposes. How convenient. Since Since you made it this far, i'm going to assume that you're not a literal mouth breathing, knuckle dragging, fragile infant. So you can give yourself a pat on your freshly whipped back because you've already survived the hardest part. Childhood. Being a kid wasn't easy. Since they didn't have any fancy beepings machines to hook moms up to and keep babies alive, infant mortality rates were extremely high. 20 to 50 % of babies didn't make it out the womb. If you survived being born, next up was surviving the world, much harder. With things like disease, hunger, and other environmental factors out to get you. I mean, some of these kids look so frail you could practically see their blinking health bar.
Your main duty as a kid is to help out the family that brought you into this world. We're talking chores, taking care of your siblings, protecting the farm, learning the family business, everything necessary for survival. As far as food, it's whatever mama and papa could scrape together, which is mainly bread, milk, fruits, and veggies. Ever have half an onion on dry bread with warm milk? It's actually pretty disgusting. But it's what keeps you growing, because if you don't eat, well... And hey, if your papa has a high enough fishing level, he could bring home a pretty sweet fish to tear into. Get that protein. Your mother, assuming she survived sloping you out of her belly, would feed and care for your ungrateful ass. But none of that is applicable since you just got orphaned by the space-time continuum. Before we take a look at what to do next, let's see where you would fit in the grand scheme of society because everyone has their place. Ancient Egyptian society works in a hierarchy with rich and powerful guys at the top and everyone else at the bottom. So really no change from the modern world.
The head around these parts is the Pharaoh. He's the divine king, and whatever he says goes. Subscribe. Just under him are his closest bros and advisors. Then we have an educated and skilled middle class, and then a laboring a lower class with slaves and servants at the bottom, which were usually foreign prisoners of war. Since there's a 95 % chance that you'd stick out like a turd in a punch bowl amongst a well-tanned, weird-talking population, you'd probably be captured and sold into slavery. Tough break, outsider. But let's assume you can convince the guards that you're one cool dude. Hey, I'm one cool dude. It worked. Time to get a job. you're going to to prove your worth through manual labor. Luckily, there's plenty of job to choose from, like farming and... Over 90 % of all ancient Egyptians were farmers, so there's plenty of friends and rivals to be made. See who could grow the best onions or whatever it as farmers did for fun, finger each other's cabbages, I don't know. But your absolute best friend is the Nile River, which is your number one source of delicious brown water for your crops. Just don't taste it.
Thankfully, the application process to work on a farm is no more than moving a rock from here to there. And with your stellar gamer build, you can easily get the job done. Just remember to lift entirely with your back. As a bonus, you can read and write—not in hieroglyphics, but in cooler things like letters and numbers—perfect for taking your own notes. You're hired. Now you can get to work and earn that bread. But since the Persians haven't invaded yet and introduced proper currency, you'll be working for literal bread. So you slave away for months on Bahir's family wheat farm, eating your brown bread and sandy beer dinners while sleeping on a filthy, crusty, dusty dirt floor. Watch out for snakes. They bite. Day in and day out, you swing your sickles in your hose, dreaming about the hose you left behind, taking extra caution not to get too distracted. It looks like you cut off Bahir's arm. Bahir will remember that. It's then that you look down and notice them squishing between your toes. The ground's getting rather moist. The Nile's flooding, you say to no one. After you finish fighting off the invading river rats using your plus-seven-strength copper sword, it's time to pause the farming grind and try your hand at construction while the Nile does its thing.
Oh, look, the pharaoh wants you to help build a new pyramid. Lucky you. Since you have spent countless hours placing virtual cobblestones under your belt, this sounds like a pretty sweet gig. Just keep an eye out, because sometimes it's not yourself that you need to watch out for. Daily labor is just part of your worry, though, because you still have Diseases, like slaves, are the hot and trending collectibles of the time. You could even trade them to your friends if you're feeling generous enough. I got stracoma. Well, I've got first-edition smallpox. Check it out. With your 21st-century wrinkled brain, you know that you need to keep clean to prevent disease. So you take a dip in the Nile to wash your many crevices. Just downstream of the laundry, which is downstream of the town's dumping grounds, Uh-oh, It looks like you picked up a friend. A parasitic flatworm went and crawled up your round worm, and now you have schistosamiasis. With that comes a fever and aggressive diarrhea. And since we're in ancient times, you know what that means. But little wrinkling worms aren't the only threats you face. Like the infected fellows a minute ago found out, there were many different diseases sickening up the land.
The most popular are tuberculosis, smallpox, and malaria. These guys would make sure that your stay in ancient Egypt would be a quick one, so be sure to swath some and tell your neighbors to cover their coughs for raw sake. Oh, sorry. I thought that there was a muskwit on you. Yeah, you too. Anyway, you get back to chiseling some sandstone blocks, and, oh, it looks like you caught Faro checking out the goods. He admired your strong physique, attention to hygiene, and glistening back sweat. He even heard about your conquering of the river rats, and he's impressed. Those are some good qualities. Good qualities for a soldier. You just got bumped up a few societal ranks. Look at you, go. Oh, Pharaah wants to expand his empire. Well, now your promotion makes sense. It's time to go to war. Being a soldier can't be too hard, right? You just pick up a shield and a sword and swing them a little. After all, people are just bigger rats. Oh, sweet. They even have cool, curved swords. Curved swords. It's called a copesh, and boy, does it hurt. But if swinging a sword isn't your style, you can opt for something a little less slashy and a little bit more stabby.
If you want to poke someone further away but still want to be close enough to revel in their death, I recommend a spear or javelin. If you really have the urge to stab someone at least a few thousand scarabs away, go for the simple and sweet bow and arrow. It never fails unless you miss. All right, time to step onto the sandy battlefield and fight for a country you just fell into. The enemies of the day are the Sea Peoples. No one really knows who they were, and they most likely came from somewhere north of the Mediterranean. But Pharoah, don't give a good gosh, dang. They've been flaunting their stupid-looking boats and shit for the last time. Fuck you, Egypt. Oh, it's so on. Now, the first thing you're going to want to do is... Oh, damn. All right, let's try that again. Respawn. Okay, quick time, dodge the arrow, and fire your own. Oh, nice shot. Good arc, stable flight, and... Right on target. Good job murdering that guy with absolutely no complex backstory or family that he was fighting to protect from invaders. To him, you were the bad guy, but hey, war is hell, isn't it?
You keep popping off shots and taking out numerous expendable enemy MPCs. While you continue to just riddle the battlefield with arrows, you notice something in your peripheral. Not something, someone. Oh, Hey, Bahir, I didn't know you were a soldier. Thank God. It was just a dream.