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Warthogs are part of a group of animals in the family, Suida. You've heard of pigs, right? Well, they're in that family, too, in the genus, suss. There's like a billion pigs, and no one seems worried about it. What happened was they used to be wild pigs, but then a group of them said, We're going to cozy up to the humans.
They seem nice. What could possibly go wrong? So the humans asked, What do you like to eat? The pig said, Everything. Everything? Really? What about shit? Yep, we're not mad at it. And that gave the humans an idea. This is called a pig toilet. It's an outhouse on top of The pigs die, and the pigs eat the poop, and the people eat the pigs. It's like that circle of life song in the Lion King, but reimagined by a German fetish pornographer. Anyway, now there's over a billion of them, and they're up to something because they're smart. But listen, about the mazes. Scientists putting pigs in mazes, and then they're like, oh my God, the pig solved the maze. But meanwhile, have you ever been in a forest? It's like nature's IKEA. It's impossible not to get lost. But pigs do find in there. They can even sense the direction of Earth's magnetic field. So they're probably doing the mazes easily in saying the humans seem smart, but their architecture is really unnecessarily complicated. We'll have to redo it when we take over. And that's what's happening, people.
Piglets' Survival Tactics
If you need proof, look at this. They only use two titty toes on each leg to walk. So why do they need the other two in back? I'll tell you why they're keeping them around to operate our computers and machinery. And if you didn't even hear what I just said, because you're all like, look at the cute pig with the soccer ball. Well, you're falling for their scheme. They made their way in the storybooks and the motion pictures. Look at the piglet. Look at the piglet. Never mind. There's a billion of them. And here's the deal with the piglets. There's a dark side there. Sure, they're cute, but piglets are one of the only mammals to be born with weapons designed to be used against their own siblings. They're born with two pairs of canines and two pairs of incisors, top and bottom. These teeth are angled in such a way that they create a vicious side bite, perfect for lacerating someone's face who's going after a nipple with your name on it. And that's what they do. They fight for a nipple, and then they stick with it. And they have to do it fast, too. The first 24 hours or so are crucial. That's when the mother's milk contains colostrum, which the babies need to establish their immune system.
The crazy life of the babies pig
You know what else the babies get from their mother? A bunch of healthy gut bacteria. You know how they get it? They eat her poop. So while you are all cuddled up in a onesie getting a lullaby, the pig babies are getting bit in the face and eating Put that in the prequel to Charlotte's Web. Anyway, even if you do get a nipple, they're not all created equal. The ones up front near the head, they work better, and the stronger piglets usually get those. The ones in the back are janky, like when you try to get soda from a dispenser that's running out. You know, when it's out of sputter farts a couple of drops into your cup. The runts are back there, suck in the hind tit, and sometimes they need a little extra. Females in the same group will often let piglets from another mother suckle. Think Airbnb, but for nipples. What's crazy is this might result in their own biological cycle child starving to death. It's a whole Game of Thrones thing, and the weak ones don't make it. Now, if you think that being a pig bibby is hard core, you should see the hoopla that the parents go through to make them.
Male Pigs' Saliva and Mating
The wild pigs in the lineage that gave us the domesticated ones. The Males live in groups of about three to five along with their young children. The males do their own thing until mating season. It happens once a year, so you can imagine there's some pent-up sexual energy. As far as I know, they don't know how to masturbate. And yes, I googled it. I'm googling right now. If you're an advertiser trying to target me, those are the kinds of keywords you're going to have to use. Anyway, around mating season, the males go through some changes. They basically stop eating, which is weird, considering what's ahead of them. But scientists think that it... Oh, sorry. But scientists think it might have something to do with all the hormones in the saliva. And there's a lot of saliva. Now, this isn't your mom's saliva. This is the real stuff, and it's got some stank to it. This saliva contains sexy pheromones that are powerful enough to advance the onset of puberty in females who get a whiff. One of these pheromones is endoctronol, which is also found in truffles. Truffles are like underground mushrooms that give off a smell to entice animals to dig them up and spread their seeds or spores.
A pig can smell one of these at a depth of three feet. So people assume that the truffle was tricking the pig by smelling like sex. Sort of like if there was a fk-flaved Dorito and you lost one in the couch cushion. You'd be digging around in there. But then, of course, a scientist had to do an experiment to see if it was true. And it wasn't. It was a different compound dimethylsulfide that the pigs were smelling for. And once again, science ruined a perfectly good story. Anyway, I digress. So this male, who is very horny and hungry at this point, tries to find a group of females to wipe his spit on with the hopes of getting them horny, too, and then it's a party. The problem is there's other males doing the same thing, so it's lucky they have the padding. During mating season, the males develop this thick layer of tissue, almost like cartilage under their skin on their backs and shoulders. This helps because the males beat the living shit of each other. A lot of their fighting involves jockeying for position and then lacerating the side of their opponent.
Pig Fighting and Weapons
They've got good weapons for it, too. On each side, both of their canines point upwards. This is because their alveolar process or bony thing that contains the tooth It is rotated outwards. On the warthog, it's even more pronounced. But of course, because nature's crazy, there's a sewerid that took this to the extreme. The Babarusa broke off from the other sewerids about 12 million years ago. They wound up on these islands in Indonesia, and life is good. No natural predator as a good amount of food. They only have two or three babies at a time, so the siblings aren't trying to kill each other. So they've had some nice quality time to evolve into their true form, which happens to be Goth, demon Goth. They look crazy, a Satan's unicorn vibe. Their alvilar process has rotated so far that their teeth emerge through the skin on their face. They don't stop growing either. And if they're not tended to, they can curl around and pierce the skin again. Barus are not impressed with your tongue piercing. For a while, people thought that the upper tusks might play a defensive role in combat, like a face protector. But the extreme rotation of the alvilar process means that the roots of these teeth are quite shallow, making them too briddled to be effective.
And their fights, to be honest, look a bit more like macho hugging. Oh, yeah? You call that a hug? How about this one? Yeah, it's tight. A tight, warm, fuzzy hug. Warthogs fight more like those bros who get up all into each other's face and get really close so they're almost kissing, but not kissing, but they could kiss if they wanted to. Unlike the In Caruza, the warthog has plenty of natural predators. So the warthog evolved these long legs so they could run. The problem is that moved their face farther away from the ground, which is where their food is. So when they eat, they have to kneel down. But it's not regular kneeling, it's wrist kneeling. Here, flop both of your wrists down like you're pretending to be a bunny. That's what they're walking on, the backs of their wrists. They're creative. They have solutions for all sorts of things. For example, look at all those bugs. That must be annoying. Well, when it's wet out, they take a mud bath. It's cooling and it keeps the bugs and ticks and other parasites away. But in the dry season, there's not enough mud to go around, so they figured something else out.
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Summary
- **Pigs and Human Interaction**: It transitions into discussing pigs, their intelligence, and their historical relationship with humans, including the concept of "pig toilets" where pigs consume human waste.
- **Piglets' Survival Tactics**: The speaker details the aggressive survival strategies of piglets, including their use of sharp teeth to secure better access to their mother's milk.
- **Male Pigs' Mating Behavior**: The focus shifts to male pigs' behavior during mating season, including their intense fighting, saliva production containing pheromones, and their unique physical adaptations.
- **Warthog and Babarusa Behaviors**: we explains the behaviors and adaptations of warthogs, including their wrist-kneeling feeding posture, and briefly touches on the unique evolutionary traits of the Babarusa, a wild pig species from Indonesia
